Healing After Pet Loss: Expert Advice from Grief Recovery Specialist Louise Griffey

Sunday 21st, September 2025

Louise Griffey, founder of Light After Loss, is an Advanced Grief Recovery Method Specialist certified by the Grief Recovery Institute. Drawing on her own experiences of profound personal loss, including the deaths of two much-loved dogs and the breakdown of a long-term relationship, Louise has transformed her healing journey into a mission to support others. With a compassionate, evidence-based approach, she provides a safe and supportive space for pet owners to process their grief, honour their pets' memories, and rediscover hope after loss.

What is Grief?

"Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to loss or change of any kind"

"Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behaviour."

"Grief is the feeling of reaching out for someone who's always been there, only to discover when I need her [or him] one more time, she's no longer there."

"Grief is the feeling of reaching out for someone who has never been there for me, only to discover when I need them one more time, they still aren't there for me."

Common Responses to Grief of Any Kind

• Reduced concentration
• A sense of numbness
• Disrupted sleep patterns
• Changed eating habits
• Roller coaster of emotional energy

Is Recovery From Grief Actually Possible?

Because there's so much misinformation about dealing with loss, most people don't realise that recovery from grief is actually possible. They think the pain of the loss will always be with them. They believe they just have to tolerate the pain and learn to live with it. Or they believe that time will eventually heal their hearts if they just wait long enough.

You will be able to have fond memories of that relationship not turn painful. You will be able to remember your pet the way you knew him or her in life, not just as you remember him or her in death. Processing the unfinished emotions will enable you to be open to bringing another pet into your life at some point in the future. You will be able to allow the new pet to have his or her own individual personality, and not be compared to the pet that died.

Myths About Pet Loss Grief

• Don't feel bad (unhelpful comments: he's in a better place, at least he didn't suffer, it was meant to be)
• Replace the loss, (unhelpful comments: you can get another pet, it was only a cat, dog, horse) replacing the loss carries implications far beyond the fact that it doesn't make sense to not feel bad when someone you love dies; it also doesn't make sense to rush out and get a new pet when you've barely begun to grieve the death of your pet that has just died. "Replacement is not grieving"
• Grieve alone, Because pet loss grief is an unrecognised, discounted type of grief we often isolate for fear others will judge us.
• Time heals all wounds, Is probably responsible for more heartache than any other single wrong idea in our society. Time alone cannot heal emotional pain; it is the actions and choices we make within that time that can help us to heal.
• Be strong / be strong for others, Many of us learned to say "I'm fine" when that wasn't true. Many of us tell ourselves to be strong out of self-defence, because every time we tell the truth about our sad feelings we're told not to feel that way, that we need to be strong; also, if we have children, we are told to be strong for them.
• Keep busy, Keeping busy really only acts as a distraction and is based on the false premise that time heals emotional wounds and that by keeping busy doing things, time will pass and magically, you'll feel better - but this just isn't true.

How to Prepare for the Death of a Pet

Prepare and plan a bucket list of all places your pet loves to go and all of the things your pet loves to do. Remember, even though you may be anticipating the death of your pet due to a terminal diagnosis, or an elderly pet reaching the end of their days on earth, your grieving process has begun - you are grieving. Pet loss support can be very helpful prior to the death of your animal companion. Communicate to your pet verbally how much they mean to you (to avoid suppressing your emotions) and spend quality time with them.

How to Cope with the Sudden Death of a Pet

Speak to someone you trust and feel safe opening up to. Numbness and shock are normal responses to the death of an animal companion. Ask for some help in planning cremation/burial arrangements. Try to take some time off work if that is possible for you. Be aware that your pet loss grief is valid and real.

Burying and Cremation

To the best of my knowledge, I don't believe there are any pet cemeteries in Ireland that are accepting new burials, but there are quite a number of pet crematoriums in Ireland which offer individual cremations and can give your pets a dignified farewell that they truly deserve.

How to Help and Comfort Family Members and Friends

• Listen without judgment, criticism, or analysis
• Continue to check in and reach out on a regular basis even months after the initial loss
• Let them know you are thinking of them, bring a cooked meal or offer to help with shopping or just go for a walk with them
• Ask them if they would like to talk about the loss of their animal companion
• Give them a pet memorial gift or look through pictures and videos together
• Remember to be honest; it's ok if you don't know what to say, just show them you care

Young Children

• The loss of a pet is very often the first major loss that affects a child. But we should never compare losses. All losses are experienced at 100 percent and each loss carries with it a level of intensity based on the uniqueness of the relationship. The death of a pet can cause significant emotional pain for a child, and most children are strongly affected.
• Children will often tell their pets all of their thoughts, feelings, and frustrations. The pet becomes a trusted confidant, unconditional and totally trustworthy.
• The death of an animal companion introduces to the child the painful reality that something can go away and not come back.
• As parents and guardians, your very first task is to avoid the knee-jerk reaction of saying "don't feel bad". In response to your child asking why their animal companion died, you might say "I don't know why honey, but it sure is sad that he/she died, isn't it?" This acknowledges their question and brings it back to the feeling.
• Create safety so that children can tell their emotional truth. By creating this safety to communicate the normal and painful feelings about loss, you are giving your children a solid foundation for dealing with painful events that will occur from time to time throughout all of their lives.

What to do with Your Pets' Belongings After They Die (ABC Pile Plan)

It can be a painful task for grieving pet owners to decide what to keep and what to discard when it comes to their pets' belongings. The ABC plan can be quite helpful. If possible, make sure you have someone you trust with you. Go through all the objects one at a time, create Pile A (contains the things you are certain you want to keep), Pile B (contains things you're certain you want to discard or give away), and Pile C (contains things you're not sure about yet). When you are done, congratulate yourself and thank the person that is with you. One month later, bring all the objects from Pile C out again and work the plan all over again - once again, never alone.

How Pet Loss Support Can Help

Pet loss can occur in many ways, such as death, disappearance, your pet being surrendered, or even pets that are stolen. Not all loss is about death. Pet loss support, and particularly the Grief Recovery Method programme I facilitate, can provide a safe and trusting space for grieving pet owners and guardians to open up about the intense grief they are experiencing, even if their loss was recent, quite some time ago, or if they are anticipating the loss of their pet.

This programme is where grieving pet owners and guardians have the space to be seen and heard and no longer need to suppress their emotional pain. After all, many of us don't think twice about going to the doctor or dentist if we are in pain, but what do we do when we are experiencing significant emotional pain... we suppress it. We do not need to suppress it because there is support, tools, and skills you can learn to heal from this pain.

Why is the Grief Recovery Method Programme Different to Other Grief Support Programmes?

The Grief Recovery Method is a series of steps specifically designed to help you recover from major loss. Unlike traditional therapy, the Grief Recovery Method comes with a pre-established framework, a distinct focus on grief, and a limited number of sessions. It is the only evidence-based grief recovery programme out there. I myself speak about my loss experiences and I will teach & guide you through the programme. The programme itself is educational, with huge therapeutic benefits.

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You can find out more about the services and help Louise offers on her website at https://www.lightafterloss.ie.

You can also find out about Louise's book The Pet Loss Journals: How to Find Validation, Comfort, and Hope After Pet Loss and her podcast The Pet Loss Journals on her website.